Poda zone - Nice masala film

September 24, 2011

When I saw inception, the first thing that came to my mind was “Poda. This and all one movie eh”. I mean, a dream within a dream within a dream. Stupidly frivolous stuff. This was when I decided to write my own script for DiCaprio. So here we go.

The first thing that the audience gets to see on screen is Dacaprio’s name coming out of the water, in all watery font and stuff alright. His name shakes off a few fish that gets stuck to the edges of the font and comes out in 3D, from back to front, you know what I mean, with the whoosh music. The screen reads All India Engineering Entrance Exam Superstar DiCaprio. This shrinks to AIEEE star DiCaprio.

The movie opens at the market outside some temple in LA. Few rowdys walk around the market demanding commission from the poor people working in shops and restaurants there. As luck would have it, one of the Subway counter men is terribly poor(unshaven beard, torn clothes) and is unable to pay the monthly due. One of the goons lifts his hands and goes to slap the old man when DiCaprio’s dupe jumps from somewhere. Our camera slyly shows a back shot of DiCaprio’s dupe jumping in the air. The dupe lands on one of the goon’s shoulders. 5 goons fall scattered due to the impact. DiCaprio(not the dupe) goes to meet each goon individually and imparts deadly blows on each goon so that each of them lands up on a vegetable cart filled with tomatoes. We shoot this all grandly, even making one goon fall on an onion cart(big budget film ours)

Now we have a crackling song. The market item girl, who has been waiting all the while for such an opportunity shows up. DiCaprio wears a head-band and dances to a peppy folk song with the item girl. The poor people who owned Vegetable carts, despite the loss of their livelihood, dance in the second row to the song. The injured goons dance in the third row(Resource optimization).

Its filled with awesome lyrics and stuff. Leo sings “I am the power. I can write AIEEE and get into IIT”. He also imparts social message for no reason at all i.e “File your IT returns on time. Tax Tax Tax, Kadri plays the sax.” . He even takes a potshot at Matt Daemon with a cleverly insinuating line “I ll slay the demons”. He finishes off the song with the deadly line, “If I kick you, you ll land up on the moon. There will be no conspiracy theory on that”.

Heroine Entry

So a bunch of goons(a different bunch) eve-tease the heroine(Megam fox) at a bus stop. One of the goons,sitting on the pillion of a bike, pull off the duppata she was using to cover her neck. The hero sees this from behind and runs as fast as the bike, in fact overtaking it and jumps(dupe) and kicks everybody. He kicks other goons present in the area and immediately runs to the VISA office for a romantic duet, coz he just saved the heroine’s honor.

The homely Megam fox, is now transformed into a hot girl, coz its a song and you can do anything in it. DiCaprio and Megam dance in Italy, with the lyrics highlighting their future family life, their kids and life in general. This time, we don’t take the goons for dancing along. Now, we show the couple doing ‘kasamusa’ on the leaning tower of Pisa. Well, the script demands it and it will be shot aesthetically and stuff(Heh. That’s how you convince heroines. *Wink). So effectively, the hero saved the heroine’s honor before the song and stole the honor during the song.

Other trivial plot points

By the way, I forgot to tell you that the DiCaprio is a mechanic. But he wears Emporio Armani. Their house in LA has no cooking gas. His widowed mother(Julia Roberts) blows wind through a pipe to ignite the wood for the cooking fire. Their 1BHK home has a wall with a framed picture of their father (Murugan Freeman). During sentimental scenes, we pan the camera to this picture of Murugan Freeman smiling and Julia amma crying.

The villain Jack Torrance is Megam’s father. I mean, the guy is a hardcore, kick-ass villian. You know that, coz the guy has a dead bull’s head hung on the walls and we hear hyenas howling in the background when we show his face. And you know what, don’t get shocked and all ok, he turns out to be the guy who killed DiCaprio’s dad, for property or something. Freaking awesome right. Yeah. It all comes out from amma Julia’s mouth when she reveals the truth about the dad(camera pans to Murugan Freeman’s smiling photo).

Climax

Now it all boils to the climax. Wait, I sense that you are questioning the details of the plot. Here is where I slyly divert your attention with another item song set in a bar. With all people drinking alcohol and smoking. Ok, the climax is now set at the traditional godown.

Julia is tied with her hands in the namaste shape on top of her head. She is clad in white saree with holy ash on her forehead and violet lipstick on her lips. The villian has abducted her to this place. The hero reaches the godown wearing shoes that have a welding rod attached to them. I mean, he walks with sparks coming all around from his shoes. He kicks people with it, thrases goons one by one, dodges some 2000 bullets and finally shows a mirror to one of the bullets shot by Jack Torrance. The bullet reflects off the mirror’s surface and hits Jack back on his chest. Irrespective of the fact that her father was killed, the heroine goes and hugs DiCaprio. Julia is released. All ends well. The police come arrive after the audience walks out of the cinema hall.

P.S: After the shoot, I make DiCaprio walk on my broken almirah and weld it back with his welding shoes.

9:12am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z3_ZCx9tWvoF
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(Notes: 18)