Poda zone - Cleverly tackling a South Indian meal

July 29, 2011

I get nettled when I see people getting stuck with a South Indian thali looking clueless. It pains me when I see a north Indian at Sarvana Bhavan ordering extra rasam in the form of an insinuation i.e “Get me that maroon coloured liquid with low viscosity”. The waiter promptly gets a bottle of coke in response. To relieve you of all this delirium, I have now set upon a task of providing you the knack of going about a South Indian meal.

To consume a good South Indian meal, visit any restaurant that ends with Bhavan. Be careful though, ordering a meals token at Raj bhavan will only fetch you a night in jail. After you enter the Bhavan(Sarvana/Vasantha/Adyar/South Indian deity names), look for a seat. Here is where influence might help. Do not try the over-used “I know the IG” trick. It does not work (*rubs wound on shoulder). Remember, getting a seat at Sarvana Bhavan around noon is tricky. You need to persist with tenacity.

When you find your seat, grab it at the earliest. Plan your handwash prior to the meal. Also, no combing in front of the wash basin mirror during the hand wish. Very strict combing rules we have at Chennai. Get back to your seat and have a look at the menu card. 75% of the menu card is filled with the location of various branches of the restaurants. Sarvana Bhavan has so many branches that it is rumored that Neil Armstrong had a ” 2 Idly 1 vada” plate as soon as he landed on the moon. Conjecture is that he said “2 Idlis for man, a medhu vada for mankind” whilst sipping a filter coffee. I am not sure about water in the moon, but there definitely must be Sambhar. Getting back to the point, choose any item that satisfies the regular expression “.* South Indian .* meals”.

As you spend time watching the plethora of people walking around the restaurant, the waiter gets your thali. A south Indian meal typically has 2^7 katoris around the rim of your plate, a bowl of rice and a appalam covered by an oil barrel over the rice bowl. Spoon will not be provided. North Indians, kindly use your hand for eating without saying “Abeyaar”, makes the experience better. If you have misplaced your hands, contact the hotel manager. Weird though, most of my northie friends use both hands to eat rotis while they need a spoon to eat rice.

Now spend some 5 minutes to pull out your bowls and place it meticulously around the plate such that it is in your zone without touching your neighbour’s plate, the salt shaker and sauce bottles on your front and the jug of water along your diagonal. Pretty tough, I know. But its worth it.

Lets look into each of these bowls in detail. We typically have a bowl of Sambhar, some reddish oily spicy liquid that appears extra terrestrial, a bowl of kootu, a bowl of rasam, curd and vegetable curry. Some restaurants provide chappathi too. Do not mistake it for a hand-kerchief. Getting to the dishes themselves, we all know about the Sambhar. The mixed vegetable kootu is generally a semi-solid mixture of several stuff. My guess is that it contains several vegetables, plants, memory cards and old iPod shuffles crushed into semi-solid paste. The reddish stuff is called “Kara Kozhambu”, which has such a generous layer of oil coated on it that it resembles a gulf oil well. Make sure all the liquids are thoroughly mixed with the rice before consumption.

Carefully plan your appalam so that it is equally distributed throughout the course of your meal. Maintain the order as you consume the stuff i.e Sambhar -> reddish oily stuff (Kozhambu) -> Rasam -> curd. The kootu could be used as a side dish or mixed with rice. Violating the order makes you liable for prosecution. Also, please note that the Rasam in the bowl is generally an optical illusion. You find an entire tomato and coriander leaves inside the bowl. When you remove them, all you get is 3 drops of rasam (Remember the crow story). Do not feel shy to ask for more “red coloured liquids”. You are free to feel guilty though.

Consume the sweet provided after the rasam. Now you are done with the meal. You may go wash your hands. Again, no combing in front of the mirror, ok?

P.S: A nap after the meal is most recommended, ensures pure bliss and a pot belly.

3:21pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Z3_ZCx7gF02N
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(Notes: 21)